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I have a running record of things only working out when they are done on impulse or not shared with those around me. I can plan to take a trip and not tell anyone and it will turn out as a wonderful experience and be a lot of fun. I can plan a trip under the same circumstances and let those around me know and it will turn up a disaster, be unable to, or best of results it will be indifference.
What is it that brings this about, relationships that are thought out fail although just going with the flow seem to turn out to be long lasting. Plan on purchasing something particular when share with someone it will turn out that the money won’t be there. Don’t let anyone in on it and I am able to make it. Have a plan to spend a lump of money such as tax return with my wife and family the planned on items don’t get purchased although the things that are impulse or unmentioned get purchased.
The same happens with finances, relationships, outings, trips, vacations, days off and frankly most of life. It has been suggested that it may be pressure, yet I am constantly reminded that I am extremely good with handling pressure. Some have suggested it is just life; however life is more random and wouldn’t follow such a rigid course. Could it be that I thrive on being secretive and I for some reason cannot function without the element of mystery?
It is a very frustrating thing and even comes into play when trying to change my own behaviors. For example I was a smoker, I had quit once before without telling anyone. I had started again for; it stupidly was for social reasons. But recently I have been determined to quit each time I have given my family a heads up and have failed. If I dare say a few days ago I have started a system that seems to work for me and thus far I have been successful. Although I have done everything I can to keep it a secret that I am quitting.
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